


Goddammit Revan, Leviathan Edition

by viveriveniversumvivusvici55



Series: Goddammit Revan [8]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: But easily ignored, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, Reconciliation, hinted Revan/Carth, no beta we die like men, we finally get to the spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viveriveniversumvivusvici55/pseuds/viveriveniversumvivusvici55
Summary: “Carth, I swear to you, I didn’t know!”“We can talk about this LATER.”Oh, are we going to talk about it later.The Leviathan aftermath, or, more specifically, how Carth doesn’t understand why the others aren’t freaking out over this.
Relationships: Carth Onasi & Revan, Carth Onasi/Revan
Series: Goddammit Revan [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320506
Kudos: 24





	Goddammit Revan, Leviathan Edition

**Author's Note:**

> Otherwise known as _Nature/Nurture, Shaken Up, or What do you mean you're the Dark Lord of the Sith!!!_
> 
> This was spoiled for me long in advance, so I wasn’t shocked. But I loved the reactions (or lack thereof). Even so, I felt it needed a little something more. Since there is no part 2 on the Leviathan (and no part 2 for Manaan, because fuck Manaan), you get a slightly longer chapter here. As always, Ari is the name that I gave my character in-game. Revan here is gender-neutral to allow you to put in whichever Revan you played. The only defining trait here is that Revan is Light-Side leaning.

There is no time to think, only to run.

Carth and Ari are running as fast as they possibly can, feet pounding against the deck, hearts pounding even harder in their chests, throats raw with breath as they sprint past guards and make their way as fast as they can to the Ebon Hawk. Carth hangs back a little to shoot at any oncoming guards. He is struggling to aim straight with how hard he is panting, but when there is adrenaline, you shoot twice as many bullets and hope for the best. Ari races ahead, lightsabers out and dealing with anyone that Carth’s laser blasts don’t take down. They slide along the deck sometimes on one knee, spinning to slice someone up their femoral artery and then stake them in the heart before moving again. Ari is an effective, ruthless killing machine.

No. Not Ari. _Revan. **Darth** Revan._

His steps stumble as the thought stabs through him. Even as his adrenaline keeps him focused, he wants to second guess every interaction, every story he has ever told, every doubt he's had. Ari-Revan turns around to look at him, making sure he can keep up, and seems to see something on his face that betrays him. Their face crumples into a good facsimile of upset discomfort. It's really, really quite good.

“Carth, I swear to you, I didn’t know!”

A guard bursts in behind them and Revan artfully throws a lightsaber back without looking, guiding it into the man’s face before Pulling it back into their hand. Carth stares in horror for a moment as the guard collapses to the floor before gathering himself. Ari-Revan has been brutal before. This changes nothing.

_**Except it changes everything.** _

“We can talk about this _later._ When we’re not on this ship.”

_Oh, are we going to talk about it._

Revan still looks dismayed but nods, turning back around and running ahead. It has to be a ploy, something with how Revan does nothing to interfere with how Carth could so easily shoot them in the back. It is tempting, for a moment, but Carth shakes his head and keeps running. Later. He can freak out more _later._

That one word becomes a mantra as they wind through the halls. _Later, later, I can scream at them later..._

Carth is the one to shout for them to open the door, and Revan stops to let Carth in, keeping watch. He practically dives into the ship and runs for the pilot’s controls.

Mission yells out, “Wait, where’s Bastila?”

Revan jumps in and slams the button to shut the door. “We have to go _now!”_ Their voice is frantic, almost frenzied, and honestly, if Carth allows himself to feel a shred of empathy for Revan, he can understand why. Everything had gone horribly wrong and now Revan is suddenly remembering that they had been the most fearsome person in the galaxy. No wonder they are nowhere near calm.

He starts the engines and the ship powers away. The turrets fire up and Canderous’s voice is in his ear. “Ready for action, Onasi. Ari's too shaken up to fight. Not sure why.”

Carth swallows down both his concern and venom. “We’ll talk about it later.”

_Later. Just a little later. He can survive until later._

When they can breathe, hovering near a distant moon, Carth finally breaks. The whole crew – sans Bastila, of course – is gathered in the main hall, and Revan looks…shattered. There's no other word for it. A little sympathy creeps into him and he angrily stomps it down.

“What is going on?” Juhani is the first to demand. “Why did we leave Bastila behind?”

Jolee adds, "What _happened_ on that ship?"

"We ran into Malak," Carth replies. "He would have killed us, but Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away."

"You mean...she's dead?" Mission sounds horrified.

Jolee snorts. "Malak won't kill her, don't be foolish. He'll want to use her Battle Meditation against the Republic. Turn her to the dark side and the Sith will always be victorious."

Revan is leaning against a railing, fingers knotted tightly around it. "We have to go back for her," they say firmly. "We have to get her away from him."

 _Oh no. You're not getting away that easily._ The wound up tension in him finally breaks. "Not so fast," he snaps. "We've got a bigger issue to deal with here. They deserve to know the truth about you."

The crew can't seem to decide who to look at, Carth's accusing hurt and anger, or Revan's pained silence. 

"Do you want to tell them what Malak said...or should I?" 

Revan stares at him, their expression hollow, before looking away. "I will," they look up at the others. Even from this angle, Carth can see the emotion painted on their face. They are expecting rejection, and he doesn't blame them. "According to Malak...I'm Darth Revan."

"Is this some kind of a joke?"

Carth is more than happy to fill the others in. "No, it's no joke. The Jedi Council captured Revan and erased the Dark Lord's mind, programming in a new identity. Saul Karath told me on the Leviathan and Bastila confirmed it!"

Revan's expression doesn't change, but they seem to shrink a little as Mission rounds on them. "You're Darth Revan? This is... this is big. Do you... do you remember anything about being the Dark Lord?"

Revan tips their hand side to side, and Carth can see it shaking. "Small bits. A few strange dreams and visions. That's all."

"Just a few flashes? That's it? Nothing more?" Revan shakes their head and Mission shrugs. "Then I don't think there's a problem. It seems to me that if you don't really remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now, right?"

Revan looks startled by the vote of confidence. Carth is...stupified and enraged. "Of course it still matters! How do we know more memories won't come flooding back? How do we know Revan won't suddenly turn on us? The whole time we've been chasing after Malak we've had his old Sith Master right at our side; listening to our secrets; hearing our plans!"

At this point, Revan glares at Carth, hurt in every inch of their face. "Carth, I'm sorry, I wish this wasn't true, but I am not the Dark Lord anymore!"

Mission steps close and bumps her shoulder against Revan's. "Hey - you've got nothing to be sorry about! You didn't ask for this. Besides, I know you... you're not Revan anymore. Whatever you used to be, you're one of us now!"

The hope in Revan's face makes Carth feel sick, and as every other crew member swears by their faith in Revan - Jolee knew who Revan was the whole time, HK-47 used to _be Revan's assassin droid_ \- he swallows back the venom. Compartmentalize. He can do that. 

"And you, Carth?" Revan looks at him. "Well, Carth - will you stand with me against Malak?"

"Well, the others seem to trust you... and I don't see any other way that we can stop the Sith. And I suppose that Malak is the real enemy here... I really don't have any other choice, do I?"

"I won't let you down, Carth. I promise."

"I want to believe you. You've proven yourself time and time again during our mission, but this is a little much for me to wrap my mind around."

Revan snorts. "How do you think I feel?"

"This must be even more of a shock to you... I don't know how you even keep going. I guess we both just have to find a way to push forward. Then...we keep going. We've still got one more Star Map to uncover if we're going to find that Star Forge and save Bastila, so let's do it before it's too late."

* * *

He can’t escape Revan, of course. It’s not a huge ship – and he’s the one that knows how to fly it. Eventually, when everyone has started to calm down a little, Revan comes up to the bridge. They don’t come up immediately, waiting by the flight map until Carth has steered them onto a steady course and can turn around. Which he gladly does, turning in his chair to stare them down.

“You really, really didn’t remember.” It isn’t a question, more of a statement, but Revan nods regardless. “So what did you mean by flashes?” Carth frowns, skipping all the pleasantries he can think of. He needs a reason to hate them. Anything.

They find a spot against the wall to lean and tilt their head, considering. A loose curl of hair falls over over their forehead, dangling almost to one bright blue eye. In all this time, Ari has been put together – a masterclass of composure and dedication. It is unnerving to see them like this – eyes a little too lost, blood still on their clothes, hair falling out of their carefully arranged style. It is a painful reminder not only is Revan a human, a being that can make mistakes…but that Revan is just as shaken by this as he is. “Dreams. I saw Star Maps, the last place I saw them. I saw fights with Bastila on the bridge of Revan’s ship. My…my ship, I suppose,” they shrug, trying to appear calm. “There’s some muscle memory too. There are things I do with a lightsaber that I _know_ I wasn’t taught in the academy recently.”

“Well, that’s obvious.” Revan fights more brutally than anything the academy taught. Even without lightsabers on Taris, Revan with two vibroblades was a force to be reckoned with.

They chuckle dryly. “The wisdom of hindsight.” But they are lost again. "I think...If I truly remembered who I was, I think there are a lot of things I would have done differently. Darker angles.”

Carth nods. “I suppose so. Or you could have been faking it, trying to earn our trust.”

They nod. “Good point. But from what I’ve heard of who I was before, earning trust wasn’t exactly a priority.”

He shrugs. “That’s a good point."

"Either way, darker angles. Deception and trickery. I don’t even know if I’m a good liar if I’m not using the Force.” Revan shrugs.

He frowns. “Try me. Tell me a lie and a truth. I’ll guess which is which.”

“Well, I got an invitation to an assassin’s league that I’ve been ignoring with everything I have,” they reply. “Didn’t exactly want to blurt that out.”

He blinks. “Not even to HK?”

“Not even to HK.”

He stares.

“And...I killed a man…” Something in their face twitches, “with a pencil.”

“You are a terrible liar.” He replies. “And what do you mean _an assassin’s league?_ ”

“I said I’ve been ignoring it!” 

He laughs, unable to stop himself. "Where on earth did you get that invite?"

"On Manaan," Revan replies with a grin. "Apparently for killing Calo Nord. Obscure group, call themselves the GenoHaradan. Influencing politics, secret missions, that sort of thing."

That...solidifies Revan's statements. The original Revan would have gladly taken the offer, Carth is sure. That Ari is ignoring it says something.

"This is big, but it does explain a lot. Why you were on Bastila’s ship, why you two are tethered, why you happened to survive, why you went through Jedi training so easily.”

They frown. “Although I have some questions for the council. Regardless of who I was before, they completely wiped my memory. I don’t know if they reset me to who I was before I met Malak, or if they put someone else’s personality in entirely. But they changed me permanently to win a war. I’m not sure where that stands in terms of ethics.”

Carth nods. “The things we do to win wars. Ends justifying the means. They hope you’ll find the Star Forge.”

Revan crosses their arms over their chest. "I don't even remember what it is. This whole mission is just retracing my steps and hoping we are two steps in front of Malak. All I know is that the thought of it, whatever it is, makes my skin crawl."

There's not much Carth can say to that, but he needs to close this loop. "Ari...I can't hate you. I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my... for my wife, for Telos... for Dustil. But I can't."

Revan sighs softly. "I'm glad to hear that...but why?"

"I got the revenge I always wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would. Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are." He shrugs. "That's why I can't hate you, why I don't want any more revenge. You don't have to be Revan, you can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance. Whatever's happened up until this point, there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back."

Revan smiles. "And if I make the wrong one, I trust you'll do what you must."

He sighs. "Dammit, Ari, Revan, whoever you are...this would be so much easier if you were an asshole."

"Who says I'm not?" They grin. "Just a different kind. I'm still the asshole who wanted to punch a shark."

He laughs. "That you are." There is a quiet moment as he ponders it. "You have this huge destiny waiting for you, and I just fear that if you're alone, it could swallow you whole. I mean, is there room in there for anyone to help you?"

Revan peers at him and every flirty word that has ever passed between them flashes before him. Then Revan's eyes soften, and they reply, "It's probably going to get me hurt. I don't want you hurt protecting me, Carth."

"I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try." The words feel raw as they pour out of him. "I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

They smile and something about the sparkle in their eyes makes Carth's stomach twist. "I'll hold you to that, Onasi. Now let's get that Star Map. And let's get your son."


End file.
